Life Cannot be Predicted

      In Chinese folk culture, there is a famous proverb ----“we cannot predict the weather; we cannot predict what happens to us”. It means something unexpected may happen at any time. In the past nineteen years, I had lived in China and never thought about my future. It was covered in mist, blind and unknown. It was unclear for me and hard to catch. Everything just followed my parents’ direction. After I encountered different people in United States, I was surprised by the cultural diversity and got confused. Then I began to measure how Chinese culture has influenced me and how it has made hard for me to adapt to my new American life. 

   

       I could never have imagined how deep Chinese education is imprinted in my mind and how hard it has been changed. Writing, reading and repeating are the most important expects in Chinese education. We did a lot of practice just based on our textbooks. As long as we passed the test, we could achieve higher status. That was why most of Chinese students were shy to talk. When I entered a different type of education in the U.S., I found that it concentrated on students’ behavior, ability of expression and attitude. This kind of education made many Chinese students find out that knowledge begins with life practice. Some of my American friends were proud to show themselves in public. In spite of joining many presentations, I always covered my nervousness by laughing and body movement. I tried to use many methods to conquer each task, but I could not predict what it would be. Sometimes, I didn’t have enough confidence when I was showing myself. I cared about how people thought of me, and felt discouraged when they found my mistakes. This kind of situation always makes me prove that it is hard for me to fit in American groups.

      Communication is the other factor that makes it hard for me to fit in this country. Since I arrived in United States, I often experienced the different approaches of communication. Due to the Chinese culture deep inside of me, sometimes I had problems to communicate efficiently with the people in the U.S. That was the reason I choose more Chinese people to stay with as my close friends. Chinese has always helped me to identify myself. In my daily life, I keep talking Chinese with some of my friends who are also from China. They always told me, “You cannot improve and move on in language, and don’t you really want to fit in this society?”I didn’t speak Chinese deliberately; sometimes it was from nature. Most of time, I spoke English in school, I thought I already tried to speak more in different situations. Many times I was embarrassed when I talked with an accent. This kind of emotion also emphasized the cultural gap with American life.

  The Chinese characters are the most abstruseknowledge in the world; they also influenced me a lot during my daily life. I cannot describe many things without Chinese literals. Chinese characters are more vivid than American words. They make simple sentences become colorful and powerful.  Whenever I wrote in my diary to release my mood, the most descriptive is in Chinese characters. It is easy for me to express what I thinking about. Just like when I wanted to say a feeling of “happy”. There are more than ten different Chinese adjectives that appear in my mind. Although Chinese characters are more comfortable for me, I also use more English in my writing because I deeply understand English words represent power in this country.

Even though our life cannot be predicted in a foreign country, we have to identify who we are. As a Chinese woman living in America, I really know how important the Chinese culture has affected me, and how it influences every Chinese generation. Whenever I see some Chinese culture presented in this country, it will catch my attention immediately. I will have plenty of interest in it. Under this kind of unpredictable life environment, I will be clear about what kind of traditional identity that I continue to keep on. However, I still come to find out a simple way to adapt to America society. Becoming a person that contains my Chinese cultural identity and also acts as the majority people in this country is the best way to solve my problems as a Chinese American.